The Sucker

Originally appeared in Nov '96 Card Player...

			  T h e  S u c k e r
			  ------------------
			    by Bruce Hayek

Once upon a midnight dreary, chips stacked high and feeling cheery,
   Came a hold'em session and a story, herein told.
First I mustn't fail to mention, nothing here is my invention
   Grace me with your close attention, for a tale to turn blood cold.
You may learn a lesson as my fable here unfolds
   And see why fear nevermore shall loose its grip upon my soul.

Ah, distinctly I can see back to that day, I bore my rack
   To the table I'd attack, certain to boost my bankroll.
Eagerly I contemplated how their chips were nearly fated,
   With my stack to soon be mated as astute play took its toll.
And truly as the hours ticked by, and with every pot I stole,
   Did I see my vision realized and climb steadily t'ward my goal.

In no time I owned that table, playing solid, feeling stable,
   Each opponent quite unable to breach my steady control.
I watched a player rise beside me, chipless now and doubtless stymied,
   By how I'd extracted slyly, value for each hand I'd sold.
I stacked his checks with avarice, a floorman put the seat on hold,
   The newest fish approached, all smiles, reaching back for his billfold.

Then came a sudden somber thought: "What if this new guy runs hot?"
   Could all my work come to naught, if the cards should now go cold?
I struggled then my fear to placate, strangely uneased by this playmate,
   Surely I could not now vacate this proverbial pot of gold?
The strangeness gradually faded, I reasserted my control,
   A cocky raise to steal the blinds, I welcomed confidence of old.

And what of our fearsome new friend? This shark fate had seen fit to send?
    Would I prove able to fend for myself against this foe?
I watched that practiced calling station make a pitiful donation
    And stare down in consternation at his vanishing bankroll.
He smiled as he rebought and asked, aloud, "Where did it all go?"
   And I was grinning also as I answered, shrugging: "I don't know!"

I thought, aghast, that I had nearly walked away when this game clearly,
   Was one I should treasure dearly:  a bowl full of card minnows.
The newcomer was soon to fall, another pot, another call,
   All the while having a ball, as his stack fell to a new low.
He finally caught and won a pot, and solemnly one word extolled,
   His mantra!  With impressive reverence, quoth the Sucker: "Neverfold."

I marveled then at this ungainly bloke's remark, which spelled out plainly
   For all to see just how insanely bereft he was of control.
For we cannot help agreeing that no other human being
   Ever yet, was blessed by seeing a Sucker quite this bold!
I planned to leisurely attend while he dug himself into a hole
   As is deserved by such a fool with strategy of "Neverfold!"

Soon thereafter, eyes agleam, I raised a matching king and queen,
   A play undoubtedly routine when suited paint stares from the hole.
The flop: beautiful ace-jack-nine, two of the suits the same as mine,
   Surely the turn would prove divine!  Instead a cursed blank was rolled.
I still sensed opportunity, for yet no other strength had showed
   If river perchance failed to help, I'd play to bluff this motherlode!

Aggressive play had thinned the field, what fortune would the last card
yield?
   I kept my anxiousness concealed, and let not my courage erode.
Another useless card then fell, but I, determined to play well,
   For no moment did therein dwell, upon the ugly card bestowed.
Instead I came out firing, only with dismay to behold,
   That cretin call with pocket threes!  And again utter, "Neverfold."

I felt as if my brain went numb, I watched him stack a healthy sum,
   And sat a moment feeling glum, wondering again whether to go.
Then slowly built back my resolve, certain that as the night evolved
   I'd see his huge stacks fast dissolve, and see mine accordingly grow.
I vowed to earn back my lost chips before the cardroom clock next tolled,
   And better yet if they should come from this fiend I'd named "Neverfold!"

The gods saw fit to sustain me and soon came opportunity,
   I glanced at my next hand to see the cards I'd use to strike my blow.
I needn't discuss here the graces of a hand like pocket aces
   To thrash a baffoon that chases, like this ludicrous fellow.
I made it expensive to call, no sense in playing this hand slow,
   The Sucker didn't hesitate although I'd made it three to go.

The flop, a thing of such beauty I toiled to contain my glee,
   Staring at that ace, nine and three, and better still, the suits rainbow!
I don't feel details are required, I shan't dwell here on what transpired,
   Suffice to say my set expired, when the final card was shown.
Pain grips my here as I recall the hand I was to there behold,
   He flipped his winning four and six, triumphantly cried "Neverfold!"

And that devil, never quitting, still is sitting, still is sitting,
   Though he acts oh, so unwitting of how all chips his way flow.
I didn't leave till broke and broken, not a chip left as a token,
   Of my nightmare herein spoken, as by Edgar Allen Poe.

And my soul from out that cardroom, that would see me depart poor,
  Shall be lifted -- Nevermore!

---

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