The Threepussy Opera

The following is a thread of email that went around amongst the Tiltboys beginning on a Tuesday prior to the weekly poker game on Wednesday. Bruce announces that he is unable to attend this week because he has been angled into some sort of class with his girlfriend, Lisa (now his wife). Prior to the game, nobody knows what the class is, except Phil, who has been sworn to secrecy...

The thread begins with Bruce responding to Rafe and Perry's admonishment that Bruce should not let Lisa get away with making him take classes on the Holy Night. Messages are color coded for easier reading: Bruce, Steve, Lenny, Dave, Rafe, Josh, Perry.

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From: bruce
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Tue,  3 Oct 95 17:12:25 PDT
Subject: Re: end of the world 


>Bruce, you know that this is just a powerplay.  Right, Steve?  Of all the
>nights of the week she has to pick Wed.  She is testing you to see how
>she rates:
>
>	Poker
>	Her
>
>or 
>
>	Her
>	Poker
>
>This is a classic female move: 


Actually, it's a far better move than you're giving her credit for.
She asked me weeks ago, when I was in a good mood, if I would take
a class with her for four weeks.  I said sure, and she booked and
paid the very next week.  THEN she came and told me we were booked,
and only then let on that the class was on Wednesday.  I stared,
aghast, while she laughed her evil laugh, and I could have sworn
she sprouted demon horns as she then asked in her
"innocent" voice:  "Isn't that what you guys call an 'angle'?"

Gotta give her credit for a hell of a play.


Perry writes:
>Look, Steve is MARRIED and Dave is practically married, and they're spice
>(the plural of spouse) allow them to play.  It's a fact of life.  She should no
>more ask you to stop playing poker than she should ask you to stop sleeping
>or stop eating.  You give up on the game for a month and I might even drop
>out of the Vegas trip.  Hell, I might retire from poker altogether.  After
>my recent showings, I've considered going back into retirement.  You might
>cause this whole game to COLLAPSE!  Heck, you could lead to the downfall of
>our entire poker group as a collective unit.  This could cause a collossal
>chain of events leading to the end of our civilization as we know it.
>The reverberations of the OJ verdict pale in comparison to those from this
>decision.
>
>Perry

Given the above, I will definetely come by after class.  ;-)
Seeing as how so much is on the line, you guys should definetely
consider playing on Tuesday a couple of times.

Bruce



From: steve
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Tue, 3 Oct 95 17:35:47 PDT
Subject: end of the world


This is a very dangerous precedent you have started Bruce.

I played poker one night a week and some weekends before I
got married, didn't back down then.  So, now that I am married
I say 'Hey, you knew I played poker when you married me...'
This seems to work most of the time.  If you give in now,
this could spell big trouble if you eventually get married.

My advice is to stand your ground.

That being said...

I am not sure if I can make it on Wed., I need to ask my wife. ;-)

Steve



From: lenny
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Wed, 4 Oct 1995 11:24:03 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: end of the world 

So far, Bruce has been very coy about what exactly this class is.
He has yet to mention what the subject is - I am guessing that it
is something very pussy-ish, like macrame, or line dancing, or
... lamaze???

Bruce, would you care to clear this up?

You might have a better case if it was auto mechanics 101.

Lennie



From: bruce
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Wed,  4 Oct 95 08:57:24 PDT
Subject: Re: end of the world 

Okay Lennie, you've persuaded me.  
Actually, the "class" is four visits to the local Gamblers Anon.,
for which she agreed to come with me.

No, no, seriously, the class is "Advanced Sexual Fantasies for
the Erotically Precocious".  

Okay, the truth.  
The class is "Sew your way to a Better Relationship."


You pick.  It's one of the above. (Or not.)

Bruce

---

Intermission: Poker game occurs Wednesday night

During the poker game the rest of us manage to badger Phil into telling us what kind of class Bruce was taking (as if that was difficult). The thread picks up the next day with Dave sending a note to Bruce ostensibly about reservations to a ski trip they are contemplating. The real intent of the message (note that he CC'd the entire Tiltboy list) is in the subtle "PS" at the end. Before Bruce sees Dave's note letting the Pussy out of the bag, Rafe responds to a separate thread that Bruce had initiated earlier. Let's pick up the action...

---

From: dave
To: bruce
CC: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 10:42:40 -0700
Subject: Re: 

Bruce, as long as reservations are not binding, count myself and Gigi in.
I'm interested in going, but I will not be able to talk to Gigi until the
end of the day.

David

PS.  How was your 'opera'tion last night.  I hope you can make a full
recovery by next Wednesday.



From: rafe
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 10:54:18 -0700

> Hey all,
>
> Hope the game was fun last night.  Just to let you know, I've
> paved my way to (partial) freedom.  I let Lisa know that over
> the next few weeks of class I would drive my own car and
> proceed directly to the game afterwards.  Raise, re-raise!


Bruce, we ARE so happy that the shrew will let you GO!
   (I will not let him GO!)
(let me GO!)
   (I will not let him GO!)
Let him GO!
   (NO! NO! NO! NO!)
Oh, Mama Mia, Mama Mia ---
Mama Mia let me Go!
Beelzibub has a devil put aside for ME, for ME, for MEEEEEE!


--Rafe



From: bruce
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu,  5 Oct 95 10:53:10 PDT

>
>PS.  How was your 'opera'tion last night.  I hope you can make a full
>recovery by next Wednesday.
>

Okay, what lying, corrupt, unreliable, untrustable, pussy-assed,
piece-of-shit human being let the cat out of the bag?

Oh... I guess that question answers itself.  ;-)

Bruce



From: rafe
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 12:15:43 -0700

>   Okay, what lying, corrupt, unreliable, untrustable, pussy-assed,
>   piece-of-shit human being let the cat out of the bag?
>
>   Oh... I guess that question answers itself.  ;-)

In all fairness, Dave said, "If it's something that embarassing that he
wouldn't tell us, then it's likely he's getting dressed up in tights
and a cape and singing opera".  Phil's ashen expression followed by
hysterical laughter was through no real fault of his own, a major
tell, so to speak.

--Rafe



From: josh
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 11:50:20 -0600

OPERA ON HIS MIND
Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Lyrics by Tim Rice
Not caring if Phil calls it real opera by Josh Paley


My mind is clearer now--at last all too well
I can see where we all soon will be
If you strip away the myth from the man
You will see where we all soon will be

BRUUUUUUCIEEEEE!  You've started to believe
The things she says, you fool
You really do believe
That op-e-ra is cool

And all the good you've done
Will soon get swept away
She's become to matter more
Than poker on Wednesdayeyay

Listen Brucie, I don't like what I see
All I ask is that you listen to me
And remember--I've been your right hand man all along
You have set us all on fire
You think you've found the new Messiah
She will hurt you when you find you're wrong

I remember when this whole thing began
No talk of opera then--we called you a MAN
And believe me, our admiration for you hasn't died (mostly)
But Wednesday night you stayed away
You frightened us and now we pray
That you can overcome your wounded pride

Lisa, soon your famous wife, should have never made you owned
Like your father's roshambos, she should be a rock
And let you play your spit-n-shit but she stripped you of your wit
She'd have caused nobody shock--Bruce, it's a crock!

Listen Brucie, do you want to save face?
Don't you see that you must keep in your place?
We're preoccupied--do you know just how put off we are?
I am frightened by the Fried
He's smoking Coke and drinking weed
And he'll crush you with the Juice's car

Listen Brucie--we all know you're on tilt
Please remember all those friendships you built
And it's sad to see your chances weakening with every hour
Guys, Lisa's follower is BLIND
Too much opera on his mind
It was beautiful but now it's sour
Yes it's all gone sour

Listen Brucie to the warning I give
Can't you see that your mind's in a sieve?
So come on, come on,
Play-ay poker



From: steve
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 95 10:58:15 PDT

Aiyyaaaaaaaaa, Aiyaaaa, Aiyaaaa, Aiyaaaa,  Aiyooooooohh......



From: perry
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 11:02:27 -0700 (PDT)

Free at last, Free at last
But you still must attend the class

But at least you'll let me gamble gamble, my lovely dear
Only after you've paid your dues, my little pear

"Anything for you", he quipped
Proving once again he's pussy-whipped



From: bruce
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu,  5 Oct 95 11:03:55 PDT
Subject: re:  poetry assualt

>Bruce, we ARE so happy that the shrew will let you GO!
>   (I will not let him GO!)
>(let me GO!)
>   (I will not let him GO!)
>Let him GO!
>   (NO! NO! NO! NO!)
>Oh, Mama Mia, Mama Mia ---
>Mama Mia let me Go!
>Beelzibub has a devil put aside for ME, for ME, for MEEEEEE!


Easy cum, easy go
Anyway, the girl blows,
I don't see any of you
offering to do 
that To me, TO MEEEE.

-- alternatively --

Oh Lisa, just killed a man...
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead.
Lisa, ohhhhhhhhhhhh,
He didn't want to die...
But he went and told my secret to everyone.




>Free at last, Free at last
>But you still must attend the class

>But at least you'll let me gamble gamble, my lovely dear
>Only after you've paid your dues, my little pear

>"Anything for you", he quipped
>Proving once again he's pussy-whipped


"I'm whipped, I'm whipped"
He cried, complaining

But she, not the least disdaining,
Tempted me into remaining.

"Yes", said she, "you'll come to class"
And pretend there to be in bliss,
And then I'll let you haul your ass
Off in November to Vegas.

And I oblige! This state I'm in,
probably has you all sick.
In the words of Sam Kinison,
"But guys, she has my dick!"


Bruce


P.S. -- Anybody else going to chocolate on Friday?



From: rafe
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 12:17:23 -0700
Subject: re:  poetry assualt


   Easy cum, easy go
   Anyway, the girl blows,
   I don't see any of you
   offering to do 
   that To me, TO MEEEE.

Excellent verse.  I see the class has already started to pay off :-)

--Rafe



From: perry
To: tiltboys@cs.stanford.edu
Date: Thu, 5 Oct 1995 12:39:24 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: poetry assualt

Easy come easy go
She will not let you
Beats me - locked!  No!  She will not let you go
Let him go
...
No no no no no no no
Oh mama Lisa mama Lisa mama Lisa let him go
Six sigmas out and a devil put aside for me for me for me!

So you think you can roll me and spit a jack with one eye
So you think you can win with just a king high?
Oh Brucie, can't you listen to me Brucie
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right over here


Alternative lyrics:
 Easy come easy go
 Find yourself another ho



Perry

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